


firsts and lasts

by kohi_uwu



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Hurt No Comfort, JUST KISS ALREADY, M/M, Minor Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi, Mutual Pining, SakuAtsu, Slow Burn, cry pls, i stayed up all night editing cause i was distracted by my spotify playlist, idk what else to say, im joking theres no happy ending here, im sorry i still dont know how to tag, its terrible ik, microscoptic crumps of fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:54:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28430478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kohi_uwu/pseuds/kohi_uwu
Summary: "you have xp.""sorry what?" atsumu lets out a breathy laugh, hoping he heard his doctor right"xeroderma Pigmentosum. basically you're allergic to the sun." they repeated, closing the file for atsumu as they wrote something on their notepad."monthly check ups, and we will reschedule to see what prescriptions fits you best." they continued, handing the note to atsumu that had the name of the disorder on it.that was the moment atsumu's life had gone upside down.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi, Miya Osamu/Suna Rintarou
Kudos: 57





	firsts and lasts

**Author's Note:**

> i edited it after my friends heavily critiqued about my work ヽ(＾Д＾)ﾉ truth be told, i've only been learning english for 6 years, and i still don't know how to use basic grammar :p ykw checking this again, ive come to realize grammarly is not very helpful ;-;

At the end of Atsumu's first year of high school, he noticed that he was more sensitive to sunlight, crying more even though nothing had happened, more delays in his sets, his eyes sometimes becoming foggy. 

his family thought it was just because he was overworking himself or not eating properly. But it slowly got worse and worse until he suddenly fell while Osamu and he were sitting next to each other while waiting for Aran to open the gym in the morning. 

That was when Atsumu realized his entire life was about to be turned upside down. He had something called XP, something that affects only 1 out of 250,000 people worldwide. and he has it. 

**Xeroderma Pigmentosum, which is commonly known as XP is an inherited condition characterized by an extreme sensitivity to ultraviolet (UV) rays from sunlight. if the sun hits Atsumu’s skin, he could get skin cancer, brain failure, and possible death.**

**-**

one mistake. just one. had set Atsumu’s entire life into a path he was never meant to take.

‘shit.’ Atsumu thought, slowly retreating his steps and back inside the house.

“Atsumu, did you just try and sneak out of the house? in broad fucking daylight? at noon?” Osamu said, making Atsumu jump as he didn’t realize his brother was there. “would you believe me if I said no?” Atsumu asked, his face slowly turning to his pissed-off twin. "did the sun touch you?” Osamu asked, grabbing his arm. making Atsumu wince at the tightness of the grip as Osamu asked once more, 

“did it touch you.” lowering his voice as his eyes pierced into Atsumu.

"who am I kidding, I can’t lie to those scary looking eyes.’

“yes. yes, it did. it was very little though! so we don’t have to go to the hospital right?” Atsumu chuckled, as he put his free arm behind his head, knowing that if Osamu snitches now, he’s never gonna get the end of it from his parents and his entire team. 

Osamu looked at him, his grip on Atsumu tightening a bit, making the blond hair guy wince, “mom! Atsumu touched the sun!” Osamu said, still keeping eye contact with him as their parents rushed over from the living room that was on the other side of the house. 

“you fucking bit-“ 

“Atsumu! we talked about this! no going in the sun!” Atsumu's mother, Hanashi scolded.

“we’re going to the hospital. now!” their father yelled, as he opened their front door, already having the hospital on his phone.

-

“Okay, so since Atsumu did get exposure to the su-“ the doctor sighing before getting interrupted by Osamu, 

“it was for like a few seconds, it’s fine, right? right ‘tsumu?” he nervously chuckled, turning his head to their parents and Atsumu who was laying on the table.

“Osamu, don’t interrupt the doctor.” their father, Jiro looked at their son with such intensity in his eyes that even the doctor herself was a bit afraid.

“Okay, as I was saying. Atsumu did get exposure to the sun, as seen here on this sunburn that is on his right hand.” the doctor said, gesturing at the spot that looked red, burned, with a blister slowly forming.

Osamu cringing at the burn, blaming himself for this.

for not watching his troublesome brother more carefully.

for letting him slip into the sun.

for this entire mess.

If he was faster, maybe he would’ve caught Atsumu before he touched the sunlight that landed them here. 

“But we won’t know if Atsumu has triggered anything yet until the blood and DNA results come back, so please, keep an eye out for spasms, sudden behavioural change, lack of vocabulary, such as suddenly forgetting a word mid-sentence.” the doctor continued, writing down some prescriptions for Atsumu to take.

“here are the pills this month, if you run out, just tell me,” they said, handing Atsumu the prescription note. 

“Thanks, doc.” 

-

sitting down at the dining table tonight was by far the scariest thing Atsumu has ever had to do. 

his father’s eyes pinned on him like a hawk about to devour its prey.

“Atsumu. What did I tell you about not going outside? you couldn’t even last six months? how are you gonna do this for the rest of your life if you can’t even do it now? what if the results come back and you’ve already triggered it? what are we gonna do then?” Jiro snapped, scolding the older twin the second Atsumu sat down at the dinner table. 

“Osamu has a life of his own. He has a boyfriend, Suna. who HE hasn’t seen in months because your dumbass can’t listen to one simple rule. STAY INSIDE. AND DON’T GO OUTSIDE WHEN THE SUN’S OUT.” Jiro yelling, the bowl in his hands loudly making a clunking sound as he stood up, walking away from the dining room,

“I’m gonna check on him.” their mother quietly said, placing the napkin that was on her lap onto the table, and carefully placed her bowl on the table as she also stood up and left. 

leaving the twins alone in the room, their parents could be heard upstairs, yelling at each other about Atsumu. 

“sooo.” Atsumu said, picking his food around with his chopsticks.

“dumbass. you’re in serious trouble now.” Osamu scoffed, taking a sip of water before continuing to scold his older brother.

Although they are twins, their personalities were nothing alike. Atsumu took after Hanashi Miya, charismatic and carefree, usually very kind unless you get on his bad side. While Osamu always wore a poker face with fox-like eyes that are usually pretty scary when he gets mad, very laid back until you piss him off. If you do piss him off, run for the hills. 

“what if you already triggered it? then I would’ve. I would’ve spent all these months protecting you for nothing! just because you wanted to feel the sun on your skin doesn’t mean you can risk your health doing it. you could’ve just taken a scalding hot bath or something instead of nearly killing yourself! hell, I don’t even know if you’re gonna die or not.” Osamu snapped, also taking his leave and walking up the stairs to his room, slamming the door loud enough to get Atsumu to flinch at the sound. 

“ ’tsumu.” their mother said, coming back into the dining table. 

“what. are you gonna scold me too?'' Atsumu spat, tossing his chopsticks onto lightly at the plate, making a clicking sound. 

“no. just. please I can’t lose you. you’re my baby. I can’t lose you.” their mother breaks down, walking up to Atsumu and bringing him close to her chest as she cries out. 

“please. let’s hope you didn’t trigger it. I can’t lose you. I love you. so much. I can’t lose you.” their mother cried, kissing the top of Atsumu’s head. 

“I don’t want to go either. it’s been so fun here.” Atsumu mumbled, hugging his mother back, a tear rolling down his cheek as he sniffled. 

‘i’m sorry.’

-

“Atsumu wakes up.” his brother said, nudging his shoulder a bit.

“We have practice.”

“five more. five more minutes…” Atsumu groaned, falling asleep again.

“it’s legit 7 pm, 5 more minutes and it’s gonna be midnight. not everyone has your easy-going lifestyle. we already moved the practicing schedule around because of your illness. now get your ass up to go practice with me.” Osamu said, dragging his brother out of his room.

-

“late. again.” Kita sighs, crossing his arms.

“ ‘cause this dumbass wouldn’t wake up when I told him to,” Osamu said, smacking the back of his brother's head.

“ack! I said five more minutes!” Atsumu whined

“five more, five more, you would’ve slept through practice!” Osamu snapped.

“Okay, let’s just get over what we’re supposed to be doing today,” Kita said

“huddle up!”

The team all sat in front of their coach, who had some special announcements to make.

“So team, as you might know, Atsumu is one of the best and the only setters we currently have, and for that, he’s been invited to the national youth intensive training camp for next week. approximately three weeks from the spring national tournament. so congratulations Atsumu.” the coach said as everyone clapped for him, giving him pats on the back and some congratulating him as Atsumu crossed his arms in front of his chest and huffed proudly. 

“But, Atsumu, since your condition seems to be a little fragile, I do have to tell the coach that’s supervising about your condition, and you will have to tell your parents about it of course.” the coach said, handing him a thick form he had to fill out, half the pages relating about his health. 

“Osamu, I trust that you’ll remind your brother and parents about this when you get home? remember the training starts next week. you guys have 3 days to fill the form out.” the coach turned to Osamu as he took his seat on the bench. 

“yes sir.”

“very well, Kita you can take over now.” the coach smiled as Kita and the team started stretching. 

-

Once again, they are back at the dinner table. this time, it was a lot quiet, the suspense made Atsumu’s right leg tremble as their mother who was currently wearing her reading glasses, and sipping a cup of black tea, was reviewing the thick form while Osamu refilled the tea after their mother had placed the cup on the table. 

“so? can I go?” Atsumu asked, hands gripped onto his pants as he kept trembling, Osamu taking notice of his twin’s trembling as it has never happened before. 

“I mean, I’m fine with it as long as you’re being careful, taking your pills, calling each night, and staying hydrated,” she said, taking her glasses off and giving a small sigh. 

“darling, what do you think?” Hanashi asked, turning to her husband and handing him the form, after signing her part of the form. 

“if your mother is fine with it, then it’s fine by me. but the second we get that blood and DNA report back, and something is up. we’re taking you out of school and volleyball. so consider this your last possible chance of freedom.” their father said, signing his name on the forms.

“Sir yes sir.” Atsumu said, raising his right hand to his forehead, saluting his father as he gave a cheeky smile, his leg continued to tremble. 

“Okay, well the sun’s about to come up, so try and get some sleep okay?” their mother said, standing up, grabbing Atsumu by the side, giving him a side hug as she walked him upstairs.

Hanashi gripped Atsumu's arm a bit hard as they got to Atsumu's door. 

“mom?” Atsumu questioned, turning to face his mother who was a head shorter than him.

Hanashi grabbed both of Atsumu's arms as she leaned her head to his son’s chest, looking down on the floor as tears slowly dripped down.

taking a slow but shaky breath, “sweetie don’t push yourself too hard. If you can’t do something, even if it’s homework, or something as simple as grabbing a plate from the cupboards, just tell me. I’ll help. okay?” hanashi trembled as she gripped Atsumu’s t-shirt a little harder.

“If you don’t want to go to school, that’s okay too. just.” she inhaled slowly, “take it easy.” she said, looking up to her son with a tear-stained face and engulfed him into a hug, Atsumu taking back by the wave of emotions his mother just dropped on him since it was unusual for their mother to display affection like this. 

“y..yea okay. i. I will. thanks.” he responded, his hands trembling a bit as he hugged his mother back.

-

Finally, the day came where Atsumu was free of his parents and annoying brother. 

‘ah, so this is what freedom must feel like.’ Atsumu smiled as he inhaled the cold night’s air, 

‘the moon was looking particularly more bright tonight’ he thought before walking into the facility, he realized he was a bit late. Everyone had finished their dinner and was getting ready to sleep in their assigned dorms. 

“Miya Atsumu is it?” a man with strawberry blond hair and a long beard, wearing an Olympic 1999 shirt asked. 

“Yeah that’s me, and who might you be?” Atsumu asked, reaching his hand out.

“I’m the coach or instructor for this week. Fuki Hibarida. Hibarida would be fine, no honorifics please.” he said, taking Atsumu’s hand and shaking it. 

“I heard about your condition, and if at any point you want to rest, please feel free to do so, I wouldn’t want you to strain yourself a few weeks before the spring tournament. I will also be monitoring you closely, and reporting home if you do anything to try to go outside during the daytime.” hibarida said, putting his hands behind his back. 

“I’ll show you your dorm now. yours is the only one that doesn't have any windows so you’ll be fine. and the route to the gym is just a hallway down, once again with no windows so you’ll be fine. you’ll also be sharing it with someone else though.” he smiled, walking Atsumu to his dorm.

After knocking, hibarida opened the door to see a black curly-haired guy with a mask over his mouth, sitting by the edge of the second bed that faced the wall. 

‘is he sick or something?’ Sakusa thought as he bowed slightly.

“This is Sakusa Kiyoomi, he’s from Itachiyama institute. Sakusa, this is Miya Atsumu from Inarizaki academy.” hibarida introduced as Sakusa gave a small bow back to Atsumu.

“Well boys, it’s getting late, so you guys should go to sleep soon.” hibarida said, closing the door behind him. leaving the two teenagers awkwardly staring at each other.

“Uhm hi? I’m miya Atsumu, call me Atsumu though,” he said, reaching his hand out smiling at him. 

“I’m Sakusa Kiyoomi. call me Sakusa.” Sakusa said, staring down at Atsumu’s hand in disgust.

‘geez what’s his problem?’ Atsumu thought, taking note that Sakusa doesn’t wanna shake his hand, and retracting it back.

“Okay well, uh goodnight I guess?”

“night.” Sakusa said, turning off the light and going to sleep.

-

“oi Sakusa! can I borrow your toothpaste!” someone knocked, waking Atsumu up.

groaning that his sleep was disrupted, he walked to the door, opening it to find a brown-haired guy wearing the same jacket as Sakusa. 

Same team huh?’ 

“oh uh hi! I’m Komori! Is uhm Sakusa here?” he asked, fidgeting with the toothbrush in his hands.

“yea, you wanna come inside instead?” Atsumu asked, opening the door a bit bigger for him.

“oh, sure. thanks.” Komori smiled, casually walking in and hitting the black-haired boy that was asleep, making Atsumu open his eyes.

“what.” Sakusa groaned, pulling the covers up to his neck, glancing at Komori. 

“toothpaste. I need it.” Komori said, gesturing at his toothbrush.

“No. you’re disgusting. go out and buy some. or ask someone else.” Sakusa said, kicking Komori through his covers, and tossing his covers over his head. 

“uh you can use mine if you don’t mind.” Atsumu suggested, grabbing his toothpaste out from his bag and handing it to Komori. 

“oh really? thanks! I’ll see you in the morning training!” Komori smiled, leaving their room.

“see ya,” Atsumu said, waving at him.

groaning, Sakusa got up, put his mask on, grabbed his toothbrush and toothpaste and walked out the door without saying good morning to his new roommate. 

‘ok, so not an extrovert I guess.’

-

After the morning, all the boys went to the gym where they were made into two teams. and the training began.

Atsumu kept eyeing Sakusa and Komori, ‘how can Komori get close to him and not get stared down but I do?’ he thought while setting the ball up for Kageyama to spike.

“nice one Kageyama!” Houshimi said, giving him a high five to the dumbfounded Kageyama.

“break!” the coach set, clapping his hands twice to get everyone around him,

“You all did well, and as for the team that lost, flying receives and cleans up after this.” he smiled, writing down something on his clipboard as he walked out of the gym.

Sakusa, (who was one opposing team) tched, walking out the door. 

Atsumu noticed this and ran up to him, “Hey, you’re not gonna clean up?” he asked, walking with Sakusa, who was slowly distancing from Atsumu. 

“I will. I have to get something. tell Komori I’ll be back.” Sakusa bluntly replied, walking faster as Atsumu went back.

“yo, Komori! Sakusa said he’ll be back and he had to get something. so you guys can clean up first without him!” Atsumu yelled across the gym as he ran up to Komori. 

“by the way. how are you so close with Sakusa? he wouldn’t even talk to me even though we’re roommates for the whole week.” he panted, taking a bit of a breather as he squatted.

“oh! he’s my cousin that’s why!” Komori smiled, handing Atsumu his water bottle. 

“Oh?” Atsumu tilted his head, taking the water bottle.

“how do you become close with that guy? it’s only been a day and it feels like he already hates me to the core! his cold stares, and the up and down stare with the ‘tchs’ and the ‘disgusting’.” Atsumu complained to the brown-haired boy, who was Sakusa’s cousin. 

you really can’t tell they’re related unless one of them tells you. Unlike ‘Samu and ‘samu, everyone can tell which is which now that ‘tsumu dyed his hair.

“I mean, Sakusa didn’t bother making many friends back in junior and elementary school. but you can just try cleaning stuff and just be very neat overall.” Komori laughed, scratching the back of his head as he continued, “i mean honestly just do what you do now, if Sakusa didn’t ask the coach for a room change by now then you’re doing just fine.” he smiled, picking up the bucket of water and his mop. 

“oh, okay then. thanks!” Atsumu smiled, running back to his dorm, hopefully seeing Sakusa.

opening the door, he saw Sakusa sitting on his bed, trying to find something. 

“need help?” Atsumu offered, sitting down next to him. 

“have you seen a necklace with a gem in it?” Sakusa asked, scaring Atsumu a bit since this was the first time Sakusa had directly spoken to him without being rude. 

“uh, if I remember correctly, you put it in the front pocket of your backpack when you left to go to the gym in the morning.” Atsumu said, as Sakusa stood up and opened his backpack.

after shoving his hand in his bag for a few seconds, he felt the familiar object, bringing it out and showing it to Atsumu, “found it. thanks.” he said, taking his mask off once again.

Atsumu had only seen Sakusa with his mask off twice. 

once, during the practices, even during water breaks he would keep it on. 

twice, now. 

‘beautiful’ he thought as he finally got a good look at Sakusa, who was trying to put the necklace around his neck, struggling to clasp it. 

Atsumu snapped out of his daydream when he saw Sakusa struggling a bit, “oh here i’ll help you.” he offered, as he walked to the back of the boy.

“thanks.” Sakusa smiled, a hand on the necklace once Atsumu clasped it on. 

“anytime.” Atsumu replied, as Sakusa turned to face him.

“I apologize for being rude earlier, I'm just a bit of a germaphobe, hence the mask.” Sakusa mumbled, looking down at the carpeted ground. 

“no no it's fine! some people aren’t born to be extroverts anyway.” Atsumu laughed as he waved his hands lazily, while Sakusa finally got a good look at him. 

“i like your hair.” he complemented, 

“i like your uh face.” Atsumu stuttered, internally freaking out at what he said as his cheeks started to heat up.

“face?” Sakusa asked, tilting his head a bit. 

“Well you’re uh very beautiful. I’ve never seen someone so pretty before.” Atsumu mumbled looking off to the wall, making Sakusa blush a bit when he realized what the compliment meant as he put his mask back on.

“Okay well I think you should go clean up the gym with your cousin now. Which by the way, you guys look very different. no similarities. like at all.`` Atsumu nervously chuckled, walking back to his bed and grabbing his phone that was charging by the shared night table. 

“how did yo- never mind, i’ll see you at the cafeteria then.” Sakusa replied, walking out of the dorm. 

‘oh my god he talked to me. oh my god he’s so beautiful. He's so beautiful.’ he thought, still internally freaking out as he dialed his mother’s phone number.

-

After that conversation, the both seemed to get together a lot more smoothly, the week seemed to have flown by so quickly. By the end of the week, Atsumu was practically best buds with Sakusa. 

“Sakusaaa i can’t go to sleep! and im hungryyy” Atsumu whined, shaking Sakusa awake.

“then just get food at the cafeteria.” Sakusa groaned, pulling his covers up and turning to face the wall.

“they’re closed!” Atsumu pouted, before an idea sparked into his head. 

Atsumu leaned up against Sakusa as a shit eating grin appeared on his face, whispering in Sakusa’s ear, “do you wanna go to the convenience store around the corner?” 

Sakusa snapped awake, and sat up as quickly as he could. “are you trying to get us in trouble?!” he quietly yelled.

“it’ll be fine.” Atsumu scoffed.

“no.” Sakusa deadpanned, hating the idea that he’s getting roped into this. 

-

“see i told you it’s fine!” Atsumu smiled, handing the cashier the exact cash, giving Sakusa a steam bun and exiting the store, and walking back to the facility. 

“if anyone asks i wasn’t here, i was asleep in our dorm.” he warned, taking his mask off to eat as they sat on a bench right outside of the facility. 

“yea yea, but look at the pretty stars! the sky is so clear today you can see everything! you won’t be able to see this if you were sleeping your ass off. ``Atsumu smirked, pointing at the sky as Sakusa looked up.

“it’s pretty.” Sakusa said, taking another bite.

“right?” he hummed, finally taking a bite of the hit steam bun. 

Sakusa put the bag on his lap, putting his trash inside and sat closer to Atsumu. when he noticed Atsumu's hands were trembling quite a lot.

“Hey, why’s you trembling so much?” Sakusa asked, grabbing on to Atsumu’s hand. 

“it’s cold at night” Atsumu smiled, giving the outside hitter’s hands a squeeze. 

‘it’s not cold though, is he okay?’ Sakusa thought, rubbing his calloused thumb on the backside of Atsumu’s hand. 

“it is a little cold.” Sakusa replied, taking his jacket off and putting it over Atsumu's shoulder, leaving him in just a thin sweater. 

‘crap. it’s- no. i have to hide it. i can’t let the coach find out.’ Atsumu inwardly freaking out, slightly suffocating at the thought of he might’ve triggered the disease. 

“hey, let’s go inside yeah?” he suggests, standing up tugging the hand that connected both of them a little too hard, as if the red string of fate connected them, Sakusa was pulled into Atsumu’s embrace. 

Both of them froze up and started blushing. 

“ let’s go.” breaking the silence as Atsumu murmured, pulling Sakusa away from him. 

“yea.” Sakusa mumbles, looking down at the ground as his cheeks are still red from what had just happened, gripping Atsumu’s hand tighter.

-

today was the last day of training camp, the coach gathered them together, telling them that they all improved a lot and how proud he was. wishing some of them good luck for the spring nationals. 

“Sakusa wait up!” Atsumu ran, as he finally caught Sakusa at the train station, “your number. i need it.” Atsumu smiled, panting a bit and handing his phone to Sakusa, which complied to his request.

“ok well, i’ll see you then.” Atsumu said, walking towards the staircase that leads to the other side of the station.

“wait.” Sakusa said, grabbing onto Atsumu’s sleeve as he turned back to face Sakusa.

If there was one thing Sakusa knew, it was that there were chances. miracles. stuff like this doesn't happen often; like seeing a shooting star, it rarely happens. so when it does happen, hold on to it and never let go.

“i. I like you. I enjoy your presence.`` Sakusa confessed as he started to blush a bit, inwardly thanking the mask since Atsumu couldn’t see the blush appearing on his face right now.

“what?” Atsumu gave a hearty laugh, his head tilting down to meet Sakusa’s eyes. 

“you heard what i said.” Sakusa snapped

“well, i enjoy your presence too. i’ll call you about the other thing when i get home!`` Atsumu smiled, engulfing Sakusa in a quick hug before running up the stairs. 

-

“i’m home!” Atsumu yelled, taking his shoes off and leaving them sloppily at the front door as he went up to brothers room.

“ ‘samui! Did you miss your big brother? I bet you cried when I was away.” Atsumu laughed, jumping on the back of his brother, giving him a big hug.

“whatcha reading?” Atsumu asks as he looks at the paper his twin was reading. 

**_Hyogo Prefectural Kobe Children's Hospital_ **

**_Addressed to Miya Hanashi, and Miya Jiro._ **

****

**_Name: Miya Atsumu_ **

**_Age: 17_ **

**_Birthday: October 5, 1995_ **

**_Place of birth: Kobe City Medical Center General Hospital_ **

**_Blood Type: O_ **

**_Sex: Male_ **

**_Miya Atsumu’s results for XP: Positive_ **

**_Skin Cancer: +_ **

**_Photophobia: -_ **

**_Intellectual Disability: -_ **

**_Microcephaly: -_ **

**_Acute sunburn reaction: -_ **

**_Sun poisoning: +_ **

**_Psychomotor retardation: ?_ **

**_Please contact the hospital once you’ve received the letter._ **

After finishing reading the page, Atsumu stepped back a bit, “this. this is fake right? you’re pulling a prank on me.” he laughs, “good job that was a good prank, scares me for a second.” he said, patting his brother on his back. 

“no dumbass why would you think i would pull something as serious as this.” Osamu snapped, turning to face his brother with his puffy red eyes and tear stained cheeks as he used the sleeve of his hoodie to wipe some of his tears away. 

“what? you’re lying right? ” Atsumu gives a breathy laugh, falling on his knees. 

“I wish,” Osamu chuckled, sniffing as he continued, “I just opened the letter.” Osamu stated, taking a breath. “your dumbass triggered it.” he stood up, walking to his brother as he fell on his knees, clutching onto his brother’s sweater, staining it with his tears. 

’no.’ he thought, a tear slowly rolled down his cheek as his vision started to blur and the room started to spin, until he snapped his eyes open once more. 

“what?” Atsumu laughed, his eyes dilated a bit as he looked down on his crying brother who was still crying into his brother’s chest. 

“you’re joking right? father? mother? a nice joke now comes out of the closet and under the bed! i don’t want to suffocate you all due to a joke!” Atsumu gave a trembling laugh, a hand on his brother’s back. 

“they’re not home yet. and it’s not. it’s not a joke.” Osamu choked, staring into his brother eyes, giving the same hawk like stare their father always do when the two (usually Atsumu) gets in trouble, but this time, the gaze was soft, tears slowly flowing out of the charcoal colored eyes and drawing streaks on his face. 

“ I'm gonna- I'm gonna go wash-up. i’ll be in my room if you need me. and call me for dinner” Atsumu trembled, staring blankly into nothing as he stood up, grabbing his bag on the way out and to the bathroom.

He felt like he was suffocating, feeling like everything had just crumbled, his entire life was over. 

there’s nothing for him here anymore.

he’s gonna die.

he’s gonna die without achieving anything.

he doesn't wanna die.

he’s not ready to die. 

he’s scared. 

-

‘no. this is not. no. i. no.’ Atsumu breathed heavily, the water dripping down onto his body as he looked down at the tub. 

‘no. no. no. I still have so much I want to do. no.’ he thought, sitting down on the cold tile floor of his shower and muffled his cries with his hands, not wanting his brother to worry about him more than he already is, as he choked on his spit, crying even more at the thought that he won’t be here anymore.

he won’t be here, with his family. eating at the dining table as Osamu and he shared what happened at school, picking fights with Osamu, playing volleyball, setting to his brother, cleaning with kita, going over to aran’s house.

there were so many things he still wanted to do. to continue to do so. He doesn't want to die. it’s too fast. He can’t just leave here. this isn’t happening. it’s all just a dream. a dream he’ll wake up from.

getting out of the shower, he looked at himself in the foggy mirror, wiping it with his hand as he already noticed that he seemed a little pale, the more he worried, the pissier he got, he walked to his room and slammed the door.

‘Sakusa. i’ll talk to him to distract myself from this. this. this madness.’ he thought, opening his phone and clicking on  _ facetime,  _ waiting for Sakusa to accept the call. 

_ ding. _

"hi Sakusa! i’m home as you can see” Atsumu smiled, spiralling around to show off his room. 

“put on a shirt then call me.” Sakusa plainly said, blushing a bit as he hung up.

sighing, Atsumu went to grab a random shirt and called Sakusa again.

“that was so mean!” Atsumu whined, putting his phone down on his table as he sat down. 

“I don't want to look at you half naked anymore than I had to back in training camp.” Sakusa said, taking his mask off since it was clean in his room.

“you should take your mask off more, or just show your entire face. you look really pretty y’know? it’d be a waste to hide all that prettiness to yourself.” Atsumu complemented, as Sakusa started blushing.

‘cute’ Atsumu hummed.

“Anyways, you said you liked me today, right?” Atsumu asked, smiling at the memory.

“yea. what about it?” Sakusa said, in somewhat of a sassy tone, a bit shocked that Atsumu said that so openly and laid back. 

“well, i like you too!” Atsumu bounced in his seat, “i like you a whole lot, you spike my sets so well! it’s like we’re made for each other!” he said, giving a cheeky smile to Sakusa. 

“so now what happens?” Sakusa asks, not knowing what’s supposed to happen after the two confessed.

“i guess we’re dating?” Atsumu tilted his head, also confused on what’s supposed to happen next

“i guess.”

-

after the two had confessed, and somewhat became a couple, they’ve started calling more. texting each other more. basically they were both on cloud nine and madly in love with each other despite living in different regions. everything they do just seems to make the other one fall more in love. 

“Atsumu.” their father snapped, making Atsumu snap up from his phone. 

“hi, yes? sorry i was distracted.” he apologized, putting his phone in his pocket.

“yes, so i was telling your father that you have roughly 2 or 3 weeks left.” the doctor said, reading the reports on her clipboard as his father let out a heavy sigh, making Atsumu feel like he’s a mistake from the beginning. 

“oh.” he mumbled.

“here’s the pills for this month, and, i guess i’ll see you soon.” the doctor sighed, giving Atsumu a small pat of his shoulder, and the prescriptions.

-

walking back home, his father went straight to their mother, telling her about his current status while Atsumu went upstairs to his brother’s room as he heard their mother start crying. 

“oh my god! no! not my baby boy!” their mother sobbed, the walls and distance muffling the sound a bit, but Atsumu was still able to hear it, his heart breaking a bit that he hurt his mother this way.

he didn’t wish for it to happen.

he just wanted to feel the warmth of the sun.

the color of the sky. 

what it felt like to be touching the light. 

Why did this have to happen to him?

“ ‘samu? I have news for you. can i come in?” Atsumu knocked, his voice was quiet, with a hint of sadness in it. 

“come in.” his brother said, as Atsumu entered his room.

“one, i have a boyfriend, tw-“ before Atsumu continued their brother quickly snapped, walking up to Atsumu and practically pinned him to the wall. 

“does he know?”

“no.”

“you have to tell him ‘tsumu, isn’t he your boyfriend?!” Osamu yelled, stepping back and throwing a fox plushie that he was holding at his brother.

“I can't. He's gonna think I'm contagious or something! He's a giant germaphobe! And besides I've only been dating him for like a few days. ``Atsumu yelled back., catching the fox plushie.

“oh come on! that’s bullshit, you know he’s not gonna think that and he instead will be there for you! just open up. give him a chance. before it's too la-'' Osamu lowered his voice, drifting off into his thoughts. 

a world without his brother? 

his stupid, hypocritical, lying, annoying brother? 

“before what? hm? dumbass i’m not dead yet. and i won’t be! i’m gonna live… till i die!” Atsumu laughed, throwing his hands out to the side, imitating and quoting kokichi ouma as a tear fell down.

“i’m gonna live. yea. i’m gonna live a long happy life.” his voice trembled, quieting down and dropping to his knees, hands on his head, shaking, no, trembling in fear that he’s gonna die soon.

“Atsumu, it’s. I'm sorry I crossed a line, I shouldn't have done that.`` Osamu freaked, engulfing his brother into a hug as Atsumu cried into his chest. 

“second thing, i have. I have two or three weeks left.” Atsumu sniffled, crying harder into his brother’s chest at the thought that he won’t be around soon. that he has no choice but to accept the harsh reality that he’s gonna die. 

“i won’t make it. i won’t make it to the spring nationals. I don't get to play anymore. i can’t go to school anymore. I can't see the team winning, I can't. i can’t do anything. i’m useless now.” he whimpered, more tears rolling down and staining his brother’s hoodie. suddenly reminded of the fact that he never got to say goodbye to their team. for the rest of his very short life, it will just be prescription pills, calling Sakusa, and staying in this house, banned from going outside. 

“No. You can’t. I won't let you.`` Osamu pleaded, hugging his brother tighter.

Atsumu chuckled before choking on his cries, “well if you won’t let me, xp sure as hell will.” 

“shut up dumbass. I’m tryna have a sentimental moment here and you’re ruining it” Osamu breathed out a trembling breath, holding on to his brother like they were gonna die, not knowing how many times he gets to hug him before it’s too late. 

not knowing how many more times his twin was gonna burst through the door to show him a new volleyball video.

how many more chances he gets to play volleyball with him. 

How many more times can he teach his brother to make onigiris with him? 

just how many memories can they create together before it’s too late?

-

“hey ’tsumu, guess what?” Sakusa smiled.

“what?”

“i’m visiting you this weekend.” Sakusa announced, seeing the smile slowly grow bigger on Atsumu's face through the tiny screen.

“really? you’re visiting? But what about training? spring nationals are coming up, shouldn’t you be focusing on that?`` Atsumu smiled, but still concerned that he might be taking up Sakusa's time.

“no no it’s fine! besides i haven’t seen you since like two weeks ago.” Sakusa reassured. 

‘oh, i’m near the end.’ Atsumu thought, his smile quickly disappearing, looking down at his trembling hands and nearly black nails. While the news that he gets to see Sakusa soon was great, the happiness was short-lived. 

lately, his reaction time had delayed a lot, he’s been answering to his family a lot slower, his speech slurring a bit sometimes, forgetting simple words such as fork, book, setting, he can hardly hear things that he could usually hear, getting more sensitive to light making Sakusa ask him why his room was always dark, since the only light that could be seen was the screen light reflected at his face. 

and the day finally came, Sakusa finally arrived at the miya household, he was welcomed by hanashi, their mother, who had allowed him to stay in Atsumu’s room for the time being.

“Atsumu will be back soon, he had to run an errand for me” hanahshi smiled, knowing that their son didn’t tell sakura about his current wellbeing, knowing that Atsumu was actually at the hospital with their father doing his final check up. her heart aching that she can’t tell Atsumu's beautiful boyfriend what’s wrong with her boy, hurting that this would be Atsumu's last hospital visit. meaning that it’s near.

“oh ok.” Sakusa said, taking his mask off, “oh! Sorry, I’ll grab your stuff from Atsumu's room, follow me!” Hanashi hurried, grabbing both Sakusa’s travel bag and his backpack up the stairs, and down the hallway, opening a room with a lot of volleyball related posters, books, a volleyball, and of course, a fox plushie that Sakusa had gotten him through amazon. 

‘cleaner than i thought’ 

“you can just stay here until Atsumu comes back okay?” Hanashi smiled, putting the bags next to Sakusa. 

“thank you.”

“oh no! no problem at all! call me when you need me okay? and call me hanashi!” she smiled, grabbing onto Sakusa’s hands. 

“okay. thank you miy- i mean hanashi.” Sakusa replied, slightly annoyed she touched him.

“no problem!!” she smiled wider, walking out of the room. 

So this is what his room looks like. I hardly got to see it since his room was always so dark. It's pretty clean for a sloppy guy like him, ``Sakusa thought, standing up and looking around Atsumu's room.

“yo ’tsumu i’m borrowing your charge-“ Osamu opened his door, forgetting that Atsumu had an appointment today. finding Atsumu's boyfriend standing right in front of him. 

“woah you’re- you’re the boyfriend.” Osamu pointed, his mouth gaped wide open. 

“and you’re an exact copy of Atsumu?” Sakusa questioned, wondering why they look exactly the same.

“oh uh i’m his younger twin, Osamu.” he said, reaching his hand out to shake Sakusa’s.

Sakusa, having to be polite to the miyas, even though they do tend to touch him a lot, shook Osamu's hand. 

“nice to meet you. i’m Sakusa kiyoomi, or omi-kun for Atsumu.” he said, giving a bow, and Osamu doing the same.

“ok well, i’m just gonna get his charger and go-“ Osamu bent down, grabbing the charger and walking out of his annoying brother’s room. still stunned that the boyfriend was right in front of it. 

-

“Atsumu, keep up the good work. i’m proud of you.” their doctor said, hugging Atsumu and shaking Jiro's hand.

“goodbye doctor. thanks for this past year.” Atsumu smiled, walking out the door as their doctor waved them goodbye.

-

walking in his house, he realized there was an extra pair of shoes, confused, he asked his mom whose it was, only to get a “it’s a surprise waiting for your room” as a response. 

sighing, Atsumu walked up stairs and opened the door to his room, only to find Osamu with a blanket covering someone, giving Atsumu a shit eating grin as he stood behind the person under the blanket. 

“ ‘samu move. who the heck is that even. and why’s it so bright in my room?” Atsumu groaned, giving Osamu an annoyed look,

“try and guess it first, one try only though.” Osamu smirked, knowing that he was secretly recording this with his phone.

“is it your boyfriend? Suna came out. i don’t even know why you guys are in my room.” Atsumu groaned, a little annoyed that his brother was in his room smiling like an idiot when he just came back from his last hospital visit.

“seriously, how can you forget? such a dumbass ‘tsumu.” Sakusa scoffed, pulling the blanket off and standing up.

“yomi-kun? YOMI-KUN! oh my god i’m so sorry i forgot i had a lot on my mind and i just-“ Atsumu’s ramblings were stopped when sakura kissed him on the lips, Atsumu blushing immediately as Osamu whooped.

“surprise babe.” Sakusa smiled, their foreheads touching as Atsumu went in for another kiss. 

“surprise indeed.” Osamu said, grabbing his phone that had been filming this the whole time to take some photos.

“well, i’ll let you two catch up.” Osamu smiled leaving the room. 

-

“your room is nice.” Sakusa murmured, sitting back on Atsumu’s bed, grabbing the fox plushie, placing it on his lap. 

“wow. coming from you, that’s like gordon ramsey complimenting a chef’s dish. i feel honoured.” Atsumu bows before sitting next to Sakusa. 

“hey, did you get paler?” Sakusa noticed, Atsumu seemed tired more than the last time he'd seen him. 

“uh no, not really. I just didn’t eat breakfast today. Maybe that’s why, ``Atsumu laughed, lazily waving his hand telling Sakusa to not worry about it.

“wanna go outside? it’s night time again. i’ll show you my school!” Atsumu suggested, bouncing up and grabbing on to both of sakura's hands and pulling him up, making him a little too close to his chest. 

Atsumu released his hands nervously, chuckling a bit, “wanna hug again?” he asks, looking at Sakusa as he went in to hug him.

“You don’t always have to ask, i might hate socializing, but i love you.” Sakusa chuckles looking up at Atsumu. 

“so can we go outside?” he asked, his voice muffled from leaning his head on Sakusa’s neck.

“yea.”

“yay! i’ll just tell ‘samu then we can go!`` Atsumu cheered, running down the hall to tell his brother.

-

“look we’re here!” he said, pointing at the school building. 

“it’s big. i think bigger than my school.” Sakusa said, looking up at the building. 

“of course it’s bigger than your school omi-kun! it’s an academy that’s good at everything after all~” Atsumu teased, nudging Sakusa.

“yea, quit flexing your school at me. I bet you’re not even in the university classes.`` Sakusa rolled his eyes, walking up to a bench near Inarizaki Academy's gym.

“ok first of all mr.sassy king, i am in the university classes! and second, don’t gotta give me an attitude!” Atsumu sassed back, snapping his hand, aSakusa burst out laughing.

“was that funny?” he smiled.

“pfft yeah! that was the funniest thing i’ve seen so far!” he laughed, hugging his stomach from laughing too hard.

“you have a weird humour omi-kun.” Atsumu giggled. sitting next to Sakusa.

After the laughter had died down, Atsumu turned his body so he was facing Sakusa. his hands holding

omi-kun’s.

“What's with the sudden seriousness ‘tsumu?” Sakusa asked, turning his body to face Atsumu

‘ok i’m gonna tell him.’ Atsumu breathed, 

when he opened his mouth, “did i ever tell how pretty and beautiful you are?” 

‘dang it. there’s always tomorrow.’ he inwardly cursed at himself.

Sakusa laughed, “that’s what you wanted to tell me? how beautiful are you?”

“y..yea. is that bad? I love praising you anyways.`` Atsumu stuttered, bringing Sakura's hand to his chest. 

“you’re so random.'' Sakusa smiled, ruffling atsume hair and gave him a peck on the lips. 

“but that’s one of the many reasons why i love you.”

-

“good morning omi-kun.” Atsumu smiled, kissing his boyfriend’s cheek as he hugged him closer.

“morning ‘tsumu.” Sakusa hummed, his eyes still closed.

“still can’t believe your parents allowed us to sleep in the same bed without doing anything weird.” Sakusa laughed, rubbing his eyes as he slowly opened them. 

“Well I am their favourite, most trust-worthy son!” he bragged, climbing over, so he was straddling Sakusa.

“woah okay, this position is uh. a little odd coming from their favourite, oh so trustworthy son.” Sakusa smiled, looking up at his half naked boyfriend.

“well they never said we couldn’t do it.” Atsumu smirked, kissing Sakusa’s neck, making him groan slightly.

“c’mon, we really shouldn’t, not with your parents and brother in the house.” Sakusa said, pushing Atsumu off him.

“fine. we’ll save the sex for another time. but today, we’re gonna watch a bunch of movies, eat popcorn, and cuddle! and that's definite! Besides, you’re going home today, and who knows when the next time it’ll be when I get to cuddle and kiss you all over!” he smiled, kissing Sakusa everywhere before throwing a shirt on as Sakusa got up from the bed.

Atsumu had planned to make the movie day the last chance for him to break the news about his current situation. so he cannot screw this up.

-

“hey babe, are you sure you’re okay? it feels like you’ve gotten skinnier the last time i saw you. and less beefy and energetic.” Sakusa asked, trying one more time to bring this up. looking up at Atsumu as he laid on his chest as the movie started to play.

“i’m fine. don’t worry about it.” Atsumu looked down, giving Sakusa a head kiss. 

“are you sure?”

“yes.”

“are you really sure?” he asks again, hoping his boyfriend will open up to him.

“I am.”

“fine, i’ll change the question.” he huffed, mad that he’s not getting the truth. 

“are you healthy?” he asks

no response.

“ ‘tsumu?” Sakusa asks, worriedly, looking up at his boyfriend who suddenly froze up and wore a nervous expression on his face. 

“are you-“ before he could say anything else, Atsumu snapped.

“what’s with all the questions? i’m trying to create a vibe here! and you’re ruining it omi-kun.” he whined, 

“it’s annoying! you’re annoying! it’s getting on my nerves! stop asking me so many questions, jeez. can’t you just shut up for a second and enjoy this?” 

“fine then. If I'm going to shut up for the entire movie, I might as well get all the questions out of the way” Sakusa snapped, pushing himself away from Atsumu and sitting on the opposite side of the couch. 

“Why's your room always dark? during calls it was dark, when you sent pictures it’s dark, when we were there together it was dark, your hands. they wouldn’t stop trembling, and you never go outside during the day! what are you? a vampire? and you sometimes ignore me when i ask you questions. why? why?” Sakusa yelled, his hands in fists, as a tear rolled down his cheek. 

the realization hitting Atsumu as he realized he just snapped at his lover, his eyes widening. 

“omi-kun i'm sorry i-“ Atsumu apologizes, trying to get closer to Sakusa but was pushed away by him

“no! get away from me! leave me alone! I hate you! i hate you!” 

“fine. I'm sorry omi-kun, I didn't mean to snipe at you.” Atsumu said before walking out of the room. 

Both pissed, one mad that their significant other wouldn’t open up, the other mad that they messed up the perfect chance to break the news to them. 

-

After that, Sakusa had left, his stay at the miyas had come to an end. After that the two had never contacted each other, miles away from each other, Sakusa even tried to reach out, apologizing for his actions, but there was no response from Atsumu. whether it was text messages, emails, facetime or calls, Atsumu wouldn’t call back, or even try to respond. This worried Sakusa a lot. to the point that he’s decided to visit him this weekend, 

**the weekend before spring nationals.**

**-**

_ ding dong _

Hanashi opened the door, her eyes slightly red and puffed as if she had just finished crying, she looked like a mess. 

“uhm, is Atsumu here?'' Sakusa asked, not wanting to bother hanashi, especially when she looks like she's had her heart broken into a million pieces. 

“oh. oh! hi Sakusa was it? i’m never good with names, but you were Atsumu’s boyfriend right?” hanashi asked, trying to smile a bit so Sakusa doesn’t feel creeped out. 

‘ _ where did he find someone else?’  _

“yea, is he here by any chance? “ he asks, as hanashi chokes on her cries.

“the hospital. go to the hospital, ask for miya Atsumu, and tell them you’re a family member.” Hanashi smiled, holding onto Sakusa's hands as she choked out a sob.

“i’m sorry. i can’t help you much.” she cries, her voice cracking, as she closes the door on Sakusa.

‘what. what happened this week?’ he thought, running to the train station, worried that Atsumu had done something stupid. 

-

Finally getting there, he asks the nurse where miya Atsumu was, finally finding the room number to see their father, jiro sitting outside of the room, his hands on his face. walking past him, he walked into the room only to find Osamu sitting on a hospital bed with the name ‘miya Atsumu’ on it, staring into the distance through the window, a tear rolled down his cheek as he held onto the letter Atsumu wanted him to give for Sakusa. 

“Osamu.” Sakusa called out, as he sat next to him.

“Sakusa, Atsumu wanted to give you this” Osamu bluntly said, handing him a letter as he continued to stare outside, his eyes looked like life had drained him, they were so lifeless, Sakusa wasn’t sure if he’s seen eyes so dull and sad before. 

“Thanks, but what happened to Atsumu?” he asks, the question making Osamu snap back to reality, as he starts to cry at the loss of his twin. His other half.

“Atsumu. he.” Osamu tried to choke up the last word as it was too difficult to admit that his brother really isn’t here anymore.

“the letter. You’ll know in the letter.” Osamu whispered, pointing at the letter that was now in Sakusa’s hands, crying more as he stood up.

“oh ok, well i’ll see you at the spring tournament.” Sakusa said, watching the tired and lifeless twin walk out of the room. 

“oh. yea i’ll see you then.” Osamu replied, reaching a hand to his father as they both walked out of Sakusa’s sight.

finally letting out a sigh, he opened the letter. 

‘ _ hey omi kun~ it’s Atsumu. _

_ well, i guess you’d already know that considering the terrible handwriting and spelling. _

_ Before I get into everything, I wanted to let you know that I enjoyed every minute of every second down to the milliseconds I've ever shared with you. i’m sorry i didn’t tell you about this. I couldn't. I was afraid you would look at me differently. like i was a freak. or a walking virus and leave me. But I know those were all just lame excuses for me to avoid the fact that I will die soon. not telling you about what i have made me feel like i don’t actually have it, that this was all a stupid lame joke and that i’m perfectly healthy. It doesn't make much sense, but it made me feel more normal if you didn’t know about it. If you didn’t know, that means i wouldn’t know and we can just keep on going with our happy relationship right? It really doesn't make much sense when i try to put it down in writing though. anyways what i have is something called XP, short story long , long story short, i’m allergic to the sun, the older i get the higher the risk is. and due to me being stupid, i touched the sun. we found out i triggered it after the training camp. _

_ I should've told you. i should’ve. and well, if you’re reading this letter, then i guess it’s too late. _

_ i’m sorry. but i’ll wait for you at the gates of the afterlife! everyday until you come! and i will marry you! then we can ask whoever is incharge to reincarnate us so we’ll have a normal life together, grow old, adopt, have a pet maybe? everything that we didn’t get to do! we’ll do it. together, in another life! I promise.  _

_ to be honest, i really don’t believe in all the after life stuff. i just think if someone is gonna die, that’s it. there’s no second chance. You’re just at the end. no restart. no reincarnation, no afterlife, but who knows? maybe there is an afterlife, if there is, i will definitely ask for another shot at life. so i can meet you again, fall in love with you, marry you, settle down with you, _

_ but for now, i want you to live. live like you’ve never lived before. live your life to the fullest, for me ‘kay? get married, settle down, have kids, get a dog or something, make sure to enjoy every single second of it and i’ll be right here watching over you. so kick life’s ass. make sure you live more than anyone has ever done in this world. live for the both of us.  _

_ remember when we walked to the convenience store at night to get steamed buns? just you, me and the stars staring down at us. it’s actually one of my favourite memories together.. i loved it. maybe we can have more of those moments when we meet again! or maybe.. we don’t end up in the afterlife. we become the bright stars in the sky, and the moon is the person who’s in charge! or maybe the kaguya princess is in charge, that's why the bamboo cutter had to let her go. In that case, if you miss me, all you have to do is look up at the sky and find the annoyingly bright star right?  _

_ i know you’re gonna be sad but please, don’t grieve for too long, but still cry for me though. i love you too much for you to not shed at least a bucket load of tears for me. and yes love as in present tense because even if i’m not here, i will always love you. (wow that sounded very cheesy). it’s not your fault i died. it was bound to happen anyway.but you gave me so much happiness in this short life. words cannot describe how much you mean to me. the fight was my fault, i should’ve told you about xp. so please, don’t beat yourself over it. it’s not your fault, and i’ll get ‘samu to kick you if you blame this one yourself!  _

_ i don’t think i’ve said this yet. well i mean i sorta said it a few sentences back but who cares? i love you omi kun. I love every single part of you. i love how much you care about everyone in your life, even though you don’t show it, i can see it. you care about them. I love your style. I love how you always laugh at the weirdest moments of our conversations. I love the time I've spent with you. i love how you always do your hair in a certain way that makes it look so good. like how do you even do your hair? it amazes me. I love everything about you. I love Sakusa kiyoomi. I love you! I love you! I love you!!  _

_ We've only known each other for a short time, but it was the best time of my life. you made my life a hundred times better! so thank you. Thank you for being my light, when my life was spiralling out of control. thank you. _

_ Well, I never know how you’re supposed to end off letters, so I guess I'll just say one thing. i’ll see you later okay? saying goodbye sounds like we’re never gonna see each other again. and i hate that. I truly believe that we will meet again. (maybe i’ll get kaguya-sama to put out stars next to each other)so see you later. and make sure to visit my grave! maybe somehow i can hear you and visit you as a ghost. so visit me! also good luck at spring nationals! I know you’ll do great!! say hi to komori for me too!!!  _

_ love,  _

_ Atsumu miya, aka your boyfriend who is the best at everything and LOVES you till the end of time.’ _

tears rolled down sakura's cheeks, soaking his mask that was rested below his chin, as he covered his hand over his mouth. 

‘and the worst thing is, even after everything I still love you. you were my first love,my first kiss, you were my first everything. I didn't know all your lasts were with me,’ Sakusa thought, heart aching at the fact that his last words to Atsumu were ‘leave me alone! I hate you!'. something so childish and immature.

he never got the chance to have a proper goodbye.


End file.
